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11
Dec
Dec
HEALTHY
6 Tips for Ending a Cycle of Unhealthy Relationships
informant : JD Mason/Unsplashmany people get out of one bad relationship only to find themselves in another dysfunctional, toxic, or unhealthy relationship .
even when we work difficult to change ourselves and seek out different kinds of friends and lovers, it ’ second hard to avoid the unconscious pull toward people who draw us into arguments, activate our emotional wounds, and cheer familiar, but insalubrious, relationship roles and behaviors .
If you feel stuck in a motorbike of unhealthy relationships, use these six tips to help you end the radiation pattern and start creating healthier, more meet relationships .
1. Recognize dysfunctional, toxic, and harmful behavior. Ideally, we need to recognize insalubrious behaviors ( in ourselves and others ) before we ’ rhenium attached, committed, or in sexual love. Yet, often, we miss the early warn signs and don ’ thyroxine recognize we ’ re in a toxic relationship until after we ’ ve developed strong feelings or intertwined our lives with person .
And if you grew up in a dysfunctional family, you may not know what a goodly relationship looks like and feels like : You didn ’ t have commodity function models. So it ’ s no wonder that you ’ re missing the red flags in your adult relationships :
- physical misuse : pushing, hitting, kicking, or differently hurting you physically .
- emotional or genial abuse : calling you derogative names, yell, blaming, or threatening you ; dismissing your feelings or telling you that you ’ ra “ crazy, ” exaggerating, confused, or making things up .
- dishonesty : lie, cheat on, stealing, or engaging in other dishonest or illegal behavior ; saying contradictory things, or telling stories that do n’t add up .
- Controlling and jealousy : master where you go, who you see, what you wear, or your access to money. Insisting on reading your text or secret messages, knowing the password to your telephone. Accusing you of cheating .
- avoidance : unwilling to address problems, emotionally unavailable, or retreating physically or emotionally when things get uncomfortable .
- Codependency : an unbalanced kinship in which one person over-functions ( feels creditworthy for the other, takes manage of him/her, and is highly creditworthy and hardworking ) while the early under-functions and is emotionally young and irresponsible .
2. Understand why you’re stuck in a cycle of unhealthy relationships. Logically, of course, it doesn ’ t make sense to make the lapp mistakes and repeat the like behaviors when they cause so many problems. But I assure you that you ’ re not doing this because you ’ rhenium stupid. normally, there are underlying injury, learned behaviors, and unconscious emotions at work .
We repeat things because they ’ re familiar. so, even if you know a kinship is dysfunctional and not in your best interest, you may pursue it because it feels conversant and you know what to expect .
We besides tend to repeat what we learned in childhood. You might repeatedly date women who abandon you like your beget did or you might unconsciously replicate your parents ’ high-conflict marriage. Often our beliefs, coping strategies, and relationship patterns stem from our early experiences and they ’ re deeply entrenched because we form them before we develop critical think skills or have had much life have. It ’ south as if we ’ re on automatic pilot, repeating patterns without intending to .
In addition, you may repeat dysfunctional relationship patterns because you don ’ triiodothyronine feel worthy of being treated with respect and unconditional love. Again, these beliefs probably originated in childhood, but you ’ ve been telling yourself their truthful and unconsciously finding partners who reinforce these beliefs .
3. Heal underlying trauma. Dysfunctional relationships stem from abandonment, rejection, shame, and other painful and traumatic experiences. Until your aroused wounds and unmet needs are resolved, you will continue to seek healing from partners who are unable to give you the love, adoption, and aroused safety that you need and deserve. many people find the aid of a trauma-informed therapist is an essential component of healing .
4. Learn and practice new relationship skills. To change your relationship patterns, you besides need to change your own behavior. This might include improving your communication skills, regulating your emotions, setting boundaries, and so forth. self-help books can be a good place to begin, arsenic well as psycho-educational groups and therapy .
5. Be willing to be alone rather than in a dysfunctional relationship. many people remain in abusive or insalubrious relationships in part because they don ’ deoxythymidine monophosphate want to be alone. however, sometimes, taking time between relationships allows you to prioritize yourself in new ways, memorize skills, process your feelings, and gain new insights. Choosing to be single or to have fewer friends doesn ’ deoxythymidine monophosphate intend there ’ s something faulty with you. In fact, it can reflect healthy self-esteem and knowing that you deserve to be treated well .
6. Treat yourself the way you want to be treated. When we treat ourselves ill ( criticizing ourselves, ignoring our needs, invalidating our feelings, or not standing up for ourselves ) we ’ re telling others that it ’ second approve to treat us this way. If we want others to treat us well, we have to treat ourselves good, excessively. We have to value and accept ourselves, take estimable care of our bodies and emotions, trust ourselves, respect our opinions, and work toward our goals. When we do these things, others will follow .
Making significant changes takes a lot of campaign. realistically, you ’ re not going to change long-standing patterns in a matter of weeks. Be gentle with yourself as you make small changes. They will finally help you break the cycle.
See more relationship red flags here.
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