The Healthy Relationship Indicator

©Andrew Bauman 2017 all rights reserved

Above is what I call the healthy kinship indicator. It can be used as a measurement cock for therapists to measure couple ’ second relational connectivity in a diverseness of places of familiarity. It can besides be used to self pace to see where you and your partner are in your levels of relational connection, where you still need work, and where you are presently hard. This tool can be used to increase levels of communication and mature dialogue to help strengthen relationships.

On the penetrate of the graph are 4 common ways we connect. These are by no means the entirety of how we relationally connect, precisely common and generalize themes to help locate where relationships can continue to grow in familiarity. To efficaciously use this for your own relationship, friends and/or for clients/patients you are working with towards growing their relational familiarity, all parties must be working with the lapp definitions of terms .

Define your terms of connection:

What does it mean for you and your collaborator to connect intellectually ? What books are you reading and discussing ? What about the latest prompt TED talk you watched ? How are you and your collaborator engaging your minds together ? What about your emotional connectivity ? How do you both offer your vulnerabilities ? How do you surrender control and world power for the sake of being known ? Do each of you speak of your feelings ? Feelings are normally one word. I feel deplorable, I feel happy, I feel stress, I feel lonely. Using what we feel as guideposts for connection with our partner.   It is important to note that emotional connection does not mean emotional co-dependence and/or emotional enmeshment. emotional connection is about wish and desire, not need and dependency. It is besides vital for you both to define sexual connection. sexual association is not merely about frequency of sex, although that does factor into it, as many times there is a correlation coefficient between frequency and association. But sexual association is much more about the intimacy and connection of the sexual encounters, not good the intercourse or orgasm. many times one partner will think they are very sexually connected to their collaborator while the early is feeling completely alone and unfulfilled in their sex. Do you hold eye associate while you have sex ? Do you go lento ? Do you touch, massage, caress your collaborator ’ second body ? Do you cuddle naked without intercourse ? Can you be confront with each early sexually without the press to constantly climax and orgasm ? To be goodly sexually it means to be in full with the other, not doing to the other .
The end area of connection is that of spiritual affair. Do you connect profoundly over your spiritualty ; e.g. prayer life or other religious disciplines, spiritual longings and practices ? How do you and your partner connect spirituality ? This is a place that many couples either wholly ignore or wholly indulge, forgetting that there is a libra needed with all the other forms of connectivity .
 

How to Use the Measurement Tool?

The above measurement tool is plotted for clients Steve & Sarah. They individually ( apart from each other ) cross off where they think their connection is in the list category. How intellectually connected do you feel towards your partner ? How emotionally connected are you to your partner ? What level are you sexually connected ? spiritually connected ? then draw a line to the connected dots. A goodly kinship should look closer to a straight occupation, where as a relationship of concern would be one that is more mountainous, with astute highs and lows .
Over time healthy relationships grow with affair and intensity, rather than shrill spikes with not much time to develop or grow connection over time. ( Please refer to the essay on Pornographic Style of Relating if you want to know more about a healthy dash of relating. )

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