5 Ways to Find The Courage (You Already Have) to Leave

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 Written by Writer’s Corps member Shaneka Seals
It ’ s unmanageable to rescue yourself from a bad relationship when you sort of find like you belong there. It would seem that leaving an unhealthy relationship would be super slowly, but it ’ s not that simple. Like any kinship, leaving is much more of a process than an event. Because of the shock insalubrious relationships can have on your dignity, leaving can take extra time, mental energy, pep talks with friends, and an extra large dose of self-love before you are quick .
You may find that you ’ re in a place where the narrative in your head sounds like : Who am I to want more; I’m not perfect either? Who am I to be happy? Who will even want me, if I leave? The very authoritative matter to remember is you are worthy, you will be glad, you do deserve more, and you will very much be wanted .
Know that successfully leaving an insalubrious kinship is complicated, but not impossible. The best antidote to combat these thoughts and avail you through the process is to add in some extra amour propre. To give yourself love and compassion, consider the following seven tactics .

1. Keep a journal

Writing in a journal can be a bang-up way to air out your thoughts and feelings. Engaging in a free writing practice where you write without ban will much reveal more about who you truly are and what you want/deserve. Journal writing will give you a way to document any incidents of insalubrious behaviors and mistreatment. besides, having a space to document this unhealthy relationship demeanor will help you not discount your experience. The act of writing out what you have kept hidden is a capital way for you to find your articulation .

2. Find Some Joy

It doesn ’ t take much to shift into a plaza of authorization. Sometimes the smallest things can give you enough light to find your room through. Reconnect with an old hobby. If paint, writing, singing, decorating etc. was your thing before the kinship, dip back into that. Enjoy the sunrise or sunset, or listen to elate music. Engage in activities that make you smile. Doing things that remind you that you are special and worthy can help you move toward letting run of your partner and stepping away from the kinship .

3. Cut Yourself Some Slack

Go easy on yourself. This road has been hard, but it will get better. One of the biggest things to defeat is negative thoughts you may have towards yourself and the relationship. Replacing old thoughts with new affirmations is a good way to get rid of thoughts that don ’ t serve you well. Anytime you have a intend that doesn ’ t make you feel good, switch to a think that leaves you feeling more endow. If you struggle in this area, here are a few examples :
Negative Thought : “I’m so stupid to have been with this person.”  
Affirmation: “This was a learning experience, I am learning how to love myself better and prepare for a more healthy relationship.”

Negative Thought: “Nobody else is going to want me after this relationship.”
Affirmation: “I am strong, beautiful/handsome and intelligent. The right person will appreciate me.”

Negative Thought: “Relationships take a lot of work. I just need to hang in there.”  
Affirmation: “I deserve someone that makes me feel  supported and loved for who I am.”

Negative Thought: “Maybe I’m not supposed to be happy.”
Affirmation: “I am a good and worthy person who deserves to be happy.”

Always remember you are not alone. many have been in your shoes and have made it out just finely. The fact that you are seeking better is a effective reading that you are on your means .

4. Don’t Rationalize Bad Behavior

When a person is in an unhealthy or abusive relationship, it ’ second very common for them to make excuses for their collaborator ’ mho actions : They are  only mean sometimes; s/he’s really a good person, s/he doesn’t hit me ( but s/he emotionally abuses me ). We don’t argue ( but s/he can be passive voice aggressive ). I am to blame because I agitate him/her, I don’t do enough to help him/her, or I don’t do anything right.
If a person is making excuses for their partner, they are normally besides taking the blame for their regretful demeanor. A classical case of gaslighting is when you feel responsible for your collaborator ’ second bad behavior. Any given position can be twisted around and the pervert person will mistakenly see themselves as the cause of their own misfortune .
Regardless of whether or not the abuser will ever admit when they ’ re wrong, it ’ s not up to you take the blasted .

5. Find Support

Being in an abusive relationship can feel very isolating. The dishonor, guilt, social pressures, and expectations can keep you from wanting to open up to others. When you keep it bottled up inside, it ’ south easy to straddle the fence and convert yourself that nothing is very wrong. Talking to a professional counselor who specializes in relationship or domestic maltreatment can be implemental to getting you the aid you need. They will most likely have entree to resources that you may find helpful .
A professional counselor can help you identify the misuse. For people in an abusive kinship, it ’ s not constantly easy to recognize abuse, particularly if the alone kinds of relationships they ’ ve known have been abusive. It may not even seem like a big deal. A advocate will reassure you that it is a boastful manage and help teach you the dispute between healthy and insalubrious relationships. When this happens, it becomes difficult to turn away from what you know is true. The truth will empower you to make changes. A advocate can be your cheerleader, advocate, or person in your corner that helps give you the push you need .

6. Ignore Bad Relationships Advice

If your loved ones are telling you things like, “ At least you have somebody, ” or “ S/he makes commodity money, you better hold on to him/her, ” and a bunch of other bad advice that is not aligned with the way you feel as a leave of being in the relationship, you should ignore them. sometimes well-meaning friends give us relationship advice that is not goodly or naturalistic. When this happens, lightly offer them some of the healthy tips you ’ re learning on your own travel .

7. Reconnect With Family/Friends Who Care

isolation is something people much experience in unhealthy relationships and can happen when a person is separated from their family/friends or anything that gives them a connection to something other than their partner. isolation makes it easier for an abuser to control without any hindrance. In the work, the pervert person loses their identity. A critical step toward healing and moving forth in the process of ending the relationship is reconnecting with family/friends that have your best interest at kernel. They help remind you of those big things that you forgot about yourself when you entered this relationship. Family and friends are critical for reinforcing your dignity and supporting your decision to leave the relationship .
It ’ second crucial to note that the most dangerous time in an unhealthy or abusive relationship is during and after a separation. If you or person you know is considering leaving an abusive relationship, it ’ s critical that a safety plan is created. For help with condom plan, or for counseling and advice, check out our “ real-time resources ” foliate to find help oneself from entrust professionals like the National Domestic Violence Hotline and to develop a way to guard .

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