Is Jealousy Healthy in a Relationship? Here’s What an Expert Says

How to Tell If Being Jealous Is Unhealthy for Your Relationship

It goes a little something like this : You notice that her ex-husband liked one of her Instagrams, and your beware starts racing with suspicions. Or possibly, you think she ’ second eyeing some guy across the measure, and you instantaneously feel threaten. Her constant mentions of her male colleague could even lead you to scroll through their text conversation to reassure yourself that nothing is going on between them .
regardless of the gun trigger, when jealousy starts rearing its despicable head — and son, is it surly sometimes — you can ’ triiodothyronine avail but wonder if your reactions are convention. Isn ’ t it healthy to feel a little bit of jealousy in a relationship ? After all, one might say that jealousy shows how much you value your spouse because you fear losing them. At the lapp prison term, however, jealousy can point to deep-rooted insecurities and believe issues — both of which can be damaging to a kinship .
RELATED: Red Flags in Relationships

According to Dr. Joshua Klapow, a clinical psychologist and server of “ The Kurre and Klapow Show, ” jealousy can be goodly, but lone in one especial form in identical small amounts. here ’ s how to figure out whether your jealousy is the destructive kind ( and what to do about it ) .

Where Does Jealousy Come From?

In ordering to differentiate between goodly and insalubrious jealousy, it ’ s important to beginning understand the source of this feel .
“ Jealousy is normally a perception that you are lacking what person else has, is, or does, ” explains Klapow. “ It ’ s a sensed scarcity plus the desire to have what you observe. ”
He continues, noting how jealousy sometimes stems from an inner belief that you are somehow inadequate — whether due to your news, job, income, physical appearance, a combination of those factors or another factor raw .
“ When we experience jealousy, we are basically saying we are not content with ourselves, ” he says. “ Feelings of insecurity and inner angst about who you are can drive you into a state of matter in which you ’ re at high gear gamble for feeling jealous at any given fourth dimension. ”
Let ’ s remember that jealousy is not a newfangled concept. many sociologists and psychologists, in fact, have deemed jealousy an evolutionary developmental necessity. It ’ s believed that cavemen experienced jealousy as a mate retentiveness strategy. The like could be said today, excessively. In a relationship, you frequently experience jealousy as a reception to the terror of losing the person you ’ rhenium with. For case, when you notice that your girlfriend has been approached by an attractive guy at a party, it may trigger an instinct for you to step in. Why ? Deep down, there ’ s a fear that he might steal her away. Again, this is often tied to insecurity. If you didn ’ triiodothyronine perceive that guy to be a threat, you may not have felt that aboriginal recommend to march over and make your presence known .

Is Jealousy Healthy in a Relationship?

here ’ s the good newsworthiness : Klapow says jealousy can be healthy — but it ultimately depends on the nature of it .
“ A very little venereal disease of jealousy can keep each partner striving to be their best as individuals, ” he explains. “ so, if jealousy is experienced by person because their partner is in better physical form, a more successful job, etc., then that jealousy might encourage the early partner to strive for self-improvement. ”
inactive, Klapow warns that there ’ s a very well line between a small productive jealousy and the damaging kind. “ Jealousy is very explosive and can well create discord and competition in a relationship between partners, and ultimately lead to feelings of resentment, ” he adds. “ And if the jealousy is related to another person, it can lead to diminished trust in the relationship. ”

How Can You Tell If Your Jealousy Is Unhealthy?

The simplest way to determine if your jealousy has become unhealthy, according to Klapow, is to evaluate the degree to which it consumes your thoughts and actions .
If you find yourself frequently fishy of your spouse ( with no real reason for it, such as a anterior indiscretion ), jumping to negative conclusions when they don ’ metric ton textbook or call you back right away, or being tempted to snoop in their call, e-mail, etc. ( or straight up acting on it ), those are all potential signs of unhealthy jealousy .
“ Jealousy should feel at most like a little prick of discomfort, ” he says. “ It should not dominate your being. If it does, you can expect problems in the relationship. ”

What Can You Do About Unhealthy Jealousy?

once you ’ ve realized that your jealousy is insalubrious, you do have the baron to stop it from wreaking havoc on your relationship. It ’ s particularly crucial to acknowledge those feelings before acting on them .
“ identical frequently, the experience of jealousy can create emotions that drive us to misperceive and misinterpret the position, ” explains Klapow. “ We can exaggerate our perceptions and any we are jealous over. ”
next time you feel jealous, make your feelings known to your partner. When you bring up what you ’ ra jealous about, Klapow stresses how imperative mood it is to do therefore in a non-confrontational manner. If your spouse feels attacked or like you ’ re accusing them of something, they ’ re likely to become defensive — and at that point, the conversation may escalate, quite than being calm, rational, and productive .
“ You may find that your jealousy fed its own world, and created a situation that feels very real to you, but international relations and security network ’ metric ton inevitably accurate, ” adds Klapow. “ Talking to your partner about the jealousy can give them an opportunity to clear up any misunderstandings, and either help you to understand more clearly what ’ randomness actually going on or help them understand how their actions are having an impact on you. ”
RELATED: Red Flags for Men
Talking about it may feel vulnerable or eldritch at beginning, but having a opportunity to calmly discuss it before your mind starts jumping to the worst possible conclusions is key. The more you acknowledge your jealousy, the better you ’ ll be able to rein in those fears before they get the best of you. Once you ’ ve vocalized your jealousy, you and your partner can determine how to help each early in minimizing those negative feelings. For exemplar, if it bothers you that she ’ sulfur been staying out late drink with one of her guy friends, that ’ s something she should know before it triggers your jealousy to spiral. If you ’ rhenium feel jealous about comments on her holocene social media posts, bringing that up to her gives her a gamble to reassure you before you start believing those anxiety-fueled assumptions.

At its core, jealousy is a complex and universal emotion. however, if you consider that jealousy normally stems from feeling threatened, the question becomes : What ’ randomness preventing you from feeling secure in your relationship ? Is it your collaborator ’ sulfur demeanor, or is it your personal feelings of insufficiency or difficulty trusting others ?
A minor sum of fleeting jealousy from time to time is wholly normal and apprehensible — no matter how chill you are, you ’ re likely to feel those pangs on juncture. But when jealousy begins driving your behavior and actions as a spouse, it ’ mho meter to start cutting off those toxic thoughts at the source .
You Might Also Dig: